Today I opened up the manuscript and read it for the first time in almost a month. I’d forgotten how much I loved those characters. As I read through the last scene, I imagined Claire crouched in the corner of the metal shed, her wild read hair piled high on her head. Her arm is deep inside a garden gnome. She’s searching for something. And that’s where it ends – untied.

I read somewhere that when you’re working on a draft, you should close your notebook, or shut down your computer, mid-scene. Never at the end of a scene or a chapter. Make sure you stop when there’s something going on. So, I did. And as I read that (part) scene, it felt even more real than it did the day I wrote it. By marinating it for this pat month, had I seasoned it somehow? Like the homemade soup that always tastes better the second day?

As  I “watched” Claire sifting through the sand at her feet, I knew exactly what was coming next, maybe even clearer than I did last month. I felt an immediate familiarity when reading the pages. A kinship. A sense of being home. It’s a feeling that is impossible to explain, but one that I know will drive me to come back to those characters – tell their story.

photo credit: L083

“Sometimes I know what I believe because of what I’ve written.” While watching Oprah’s interview with J.K. Rowling this week, this quote from her intrigued me. There are times when I go back and read something I’ve written and I can’t even remember where the words came from, but I believe them. In telling the story, the characters become so real –their lives take on color and emotion, and when I’m at my best, when I’m really doing my best work, I forget it’s not real.

She went on to say how she her mother’s death, when Rowling was just 25, is the reason Harry Potter was so successful. That there would likely not be a Harry Potter series, if not for the sad loss of her mother. “I loved my mother and she died,” she says. Rowling says that the emotions that follow such a great loss are seen on virtually every other page of her books.

Like many writers, Rowling struggled with a poor sense of self belief. She shares how insecure she was, and maybe still is, really, and it’s clear she doesn’t take one moment of her success for granted. As the only billionaire author in history, she says she still thinks about money. She is careful. She’s seen rock bottom.

It was a great interview, and inspiring in so many ways. The self-doubt. The fear of failure. Those feelings of inadequacy are so prevalent among so many of us, and of all people, I would never have dreamed that Rowling suffered from those feelings that she wasn’t good enough. I think we forget, so often, that we are all in the same boat.

Anyway, per the writing, I’m still on a hiatus from it. Still working on the plan. Planning the work. I feel good about all of it, and I know that Tess and Claire will be there when I’m ready. I feel that this past month has been eye opening for me in so many ways I can’t even explain. Self-discovery, sprinkled with a little “outside the box” thinking has set the wheels of change in motion for the next chapter of my life.

And that’s all she wrote..for now.

photo credit: JKonig

Today was a great writing day–for the most part. I hauled all my gear out to the top deck – laptop, power cord, reading glasses, notebook, pen, Kindle, sunglasses, Blackberry,  and sweater (gets breezy up here!)–and spent a good part of the time actually writing.

I am playing with this new program that is supposed to revolutionize my writing–or at least the organization of it. The problem with it, however, is that I have no idea how to use it properly because I don’t want to sit down and watch the demo. It’s a thing with me…I have all these new things (laptops, phones, cameras) and instead of taking time to learn how they can work efficiently, I dive in and just try to figure it out.

Anyway, I gave up on figuring out how to us Scrivener, did some blogging and tried to stay focused back to the Word document. The trouble, I’ve found is that I’m easily pulled in other directions…I was writing a bit about Tess’s father and wanted to get a visual on him for a scene. He looks like Elvis, so hey, I’ll pull up Google Images and take a gander, I say. Ah, yes, there he is. “The last days,” “The funeral of the King” “Where is Elvis now”….I am pulled in…reading ELvis articles. It doesn’t take much to distract me from my original path — I’m like a dog who hears the word “squirrel”!

By 4 o’clock  I was ready for a break. We headed over to the artists booths around the corner. Very talented artists selling very cool goods. Bought myself a few bobbles and then we enjoyed a glass of wine and a light dinner on the patio at The Naked Grape.

It was a good writing day, and I have some new insight on the narrative of my book, that I am excited to get busy working on. Thank you Linda for the advice. This whole week has been so incredible that I will be sad to see it end, but am so grateful for the new friendships I’ve made, and for this time to focus on the writing. Woohoo!!!

Today I made a little progress on the book. Was out of bed at the crack of dawn (my body has completely given up on sleeping past 5:30 during the week), coffee in hand, Special K ready and waiting, and the writing commenced. Well, I should say the “reading” commenced. I re-read much of what I’d written in the past 167 days, and some of it was pretty darn good.

I’m happy that I still like the story. I am thrilled that I still have the drive to finish this book. Over the years I’ve had plenty of projects fall to the wayside at about this point. From what I hear from other writers, it’s pretty common–starting a big project like this and having it fizzle out halfway through–but I don’t plan on letting this one waste away in a file cabinet.

Part of me feels that I’m purposely distancing myself from these characters. That I’m not as personally connected to them as I should be, in order to give them life. They are fictional characters, to be sure, on a fictional journey, but, like most writers I’ve talked to, there is always a part of reality weaved into the story. A scene. A character trait. A setting. Something in “real life” presents the inspiration for some part of the story. And it finds its way in, no matter how much you, the writer, try to mask it, it seeps into the story and settles itself there smack dab in the middle.

Writing is such a journey. Creating these living, breathing beings who interact with each other and the world you conjure up for them. They become very real, and sometimes you like them, and sometimes you don’t. And honestly, I enjoy creating the characters that are complicated. The ones you want to like, because you know there’s a reason they are as evil as they are, but you just can’t find a reason to.

Ahh…the joy of fiction. The power of it all. The trouble we can create. The chaos we can cause in another person’s world. It’s all very empowering, don’t you think?

photo credit: Abizern

I revisited the funeral scene tonight and, unlike yesterday, the words fell onto the screen. The protag’s sarcastic overtone came through perfectly as soon as I allowed her to act the way she wanted to act at the funeral (thank you to all of you who posted your ideas on yesterday’s post!).

Tess is the caregiver. Always has been. Caring for her sister when her mother was either drunk or off on some wild adventure. When Tess left home (and the country) to escape her responsibilities and build a “new normal”, she never looked back. Now, at her mother’s funeral, she’s taking care of everything, again– including her sister Claire, who is made of glass (as her mother once said) and ready to break. She’s pissed. She’s pissed that she never got to have a relationship with her mother — who, near the end, seemed to be turning her life around…And she’s scared. Seeing her sister, who appears to be the mirror image of her mother, scares her to death.

Not going to give away too much more of the story, but I will say that the main theme throughout this story is “loss.” And when I revisited the funeral scene, I kept that in my mind. So, I allowed her to be herself in the narrative, and she came through.

Finally reached 10K on the word count. Now I’m done looking at WORD COUNT. That’s the turning point for me in the draft. I have sketched out the entire book in my notebook, on sticky notes, and created a visual storyboard of connections, but reaching 10k, for some reason, feels like I’m finally on my way. That the characters are now in charge. And that’s what it felt like last night. Tess is now in charge. I’m along for the ride.

Spent about 20 minutes writing today — which is never enough time to really get into the story. I think I have vacation brain: too much planning and packing going on.

I will be taking my notebook with me, and I am hopeful that I will be able to stick to my schedule. Need to find a quiet corner every day and write.

The mother character is now giving me trouble, so I need to go back to my notes and decide what it is about her that just isn’t ringing true. Before I start a story, I create extensive character outlines, but when I start writing the character into the story, they don’t always follow my outline. Often, they go off on their own, unattended and without any concern for me, and create their own personas. The mother character isn’t doing that just yet, but left to her own accord, I can see her taking on a personality that doesn’t fit my needs for this story!

I think this is the most fun for me — watching the characters in my “outline” come to life and interact with each other on my computer screen. Sometimes they surprise me, and sometimes they disappoint me (aka …time for a rewrite), but all-in-all I think this is the greatest thing about writing fiction. By the end of this process, these characters will be my friends (and my enemies, depending on who they become). I will know them. I can only create so much —the flow of the story does, in the end, add nuances to their personalities that I didn’t even know existed.

Well, time to do some laundry — then packing. Plan on getting up early tomorrow, driving teen child to basketball practice for 7 a.m. — writing until 8 a.m. and then maybe squeezing in some time during lunch break on the “day job” to get more writing in. Would like to finish this chapter before I leave on Friday .

Happy Wednesday!

Got in a good 4 hours of writing today. Husband went golfing; kids slept ’till noon. Sat on the porch, stretched out on the loveseat, and finally finished that chapter that has been hanging over my head. YAY!

I really like my protagonist, and I hope I can nail her personality on paper. If she were “real,” we’d be friends. She’s funny and sarcastic (qualities I adore in a friend), and is carrying around a lot of baggage that is weighing her down, and she doesn’t even realize it. She’s a little insensitive, can be crass at times, but is a very likable character.

The storyline is, at a glance, a serious story (of loss), but the characters bring lightness to the often-dark storyline through their strong personalities (and obvious character flaws!).

My writing book — a trusted companion on this novel-writing process-o-mine – is a mess of notes and arrows, scribbles and circles. If you looked at it you wouldn’t have a clue how I could pull this together from the outline / draft I created on paper. It’s not complete, however, as the characters add their own bits and pieces, now, as I pull it together. The last chapter I wrote came out of nowhere and has prompted another scene that I’m going to work on tomorrow (not in order).

I get a lot of my inspiration for the “add-ons” in my sleep. Last night, for example, my dreams were so vivid, that I think I’ll use one of my “dream scenes” in a scene I’ve scribbled for the Father-character. It’s perfect for him! Writers are a weird bunch, eh?

I am jaded. Because of all of the support I have in my friends and family (the “real” people), and the people I’ve “met” online, who are interested in my writing, I forgot that there are not-so-nice people out there. My bad. I forgot that there are people who have far too much time on their hands, who are lacking in their own lives and find it therapeutic in some way to share their negativity.  I was reminded, in the form of a comment on this blog that pointed out that I needed to have my teeth fixed, and that basically I looked like a hag in my photos. Interesting. And yet, so unnecessary and completely irrelevant. This is a WRITING blog. I am not trying out for “America’s Top Model” here.

Now, I don’t know this chick (the insecure one who felt the need to comment so negatively), but I realize that this must be how it feels to be bullied in high school. I was never a cheerleader or a beauty queen, but I’m no hag, and yet reading those words, even knowing where they came from , still stung a little. I feel for those kids who have to endure such “meanness” in their lives.

When I create characters, I always include their “bad” side — what stirs them up? Do they have a short fuse? Are they mean? Do they swear a lot? Do they twirl their hair in their fingers when they’re nervous? There are so many things that “real” people do that we just don’t notice, and if you don’t include that in your fictional characters, the reader won’t really connect with them. So, yes, there are mean people in real life and there, too, must be characters who have serious flaws and who are just plain evil, at times.

Oh, and the writing. Yes, I did some writing today. I was working on updating my blog template (new version) and when I clicked upgrade it removed my header image and added another HOME page. As my husband is my IT guy, I have to wait until he can fix it now!

Happy Memorial Day weekend all! Be nice to each other. Why wouldn’t you?

Worked on the funeral scene a little more. Didn’t have as much time today as I would have liked, as it was my son’s graduation. Great day, all around.

The month of May has been a very busy month — with birthdays, graduations, and upcoming vacation. I’m taking my notebook with me on the cruise next week, in hopes that I will be able to eek out some time to myself to do a little writing. Best-laid plans and all that, but one never knows!

The storyboard I have in my office is still in need of some work, as well. I hope to finish that, and get lots of work done on the book this upcoming long weekend. It’s all about choices, and I need to use my time more wisely.

The “Claire” character is the most intriguing to me, and the most sad. Not that I truly know a “Claire,” but someone near and dear to me has Claire-like qualities. It’s almost therapeutic for me to write Claire — give her a voice that is so real I already feel like I know her pain. She is bigger than life, and yet so small.

For anyone who might be following (Lily / Kate / Jess ), the characters in the book are:

Francesca (Tess) – protagonist
Claire – sister
Daniel (who used to be Wyatt, but was reborn as Daniel when my friend Kate told me it just wasn’t working…)
Abby – friend-0-Tess

Those are really the main characters — though the players who are most important to the story are Claire and Tess.

Names are so important, when it comes to writing a novel; creating a story. If the name doesn’t fit, the reader can’t conjure up the visual and I think it’s the beginning of really caring about that person, while reading the book.

Okay, done for the day. Until tomorrow.

It’s Friday! I love Fridays, as I’m a Christmas Eve kind of gal. I stretch my Friday evenings out as long as I can –thereby extending my weekend, non-day-job-hours — to the maximum.

Today, I worked on my story board. Cutting out pictures. Organizing content.

I also got some feedback from one of my early readers (thank you Kate!) that one of my character’s names just didn’t fit. And the funny thing is that the character she was talking about was the character I was having such a hard time finding a visual for (for the story board). Wyatt. Wyatt is no longer Wyatt. His new name is Daniel.

Every fiction writer you ask will tell you that there is so much hinging on choosing the right name for your characters. When choosing the name of my protagonist, I had 5 names in mind. After writing out the character outline and getting to know her (important), I chose the name. And then, to solidify my own decision, I asked a group of ladies, to participate in a poll to choose the name — based on the outline I had mocked up about the character. In the end, the poll results matched my own name choice by just a slight margin, but was enough for me to believe that Tess was indeed going to lead the show. Now, I don’t even remember the other names on the list, because Tess is alive and telling her story.

Wyatt, on the other hand, was struggling. So, I’m hoping Daniel will be a better fit–even though Daniel will not have a big part (I’ll break that to him later), he has to be authentic. They all do. For me, and for the reader (yes, there will be readers…positive energy here.)

There is a lot of value, for me, in having readers like Kate. She’s a friend, but I know she’ll tell me straight out if something just doesn’t work. And that’s what I need.

Kate is waiting patiently for more “work” and so I better get my ass in gear, get that next section to her. Give Wyatt his new identity and move on.